you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
