what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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