i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
