he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
