I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
