I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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