I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
