Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
