If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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