My first STD was from a foam party
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
