girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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