did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
