Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
