Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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