...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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