It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
