i think i have herpe
just one?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's blow job season.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
