He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
