morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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