I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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