you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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