sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
