In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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