i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
