I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
