You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
