Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
this is an emotional support booty call
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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