just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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