I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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