i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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