I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
