I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
