You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
