tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
