when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
