youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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