im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
