Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
