broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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