I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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