my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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