I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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