Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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