So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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