Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
