i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
