I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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