Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
