i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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