I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
All I want is dick and wine.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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